stark_ingenuity (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
stark_ingenuity) wrote2012-10-23 11:11 am
stark_ingenuity) wrote2012-10-23 11:11 am
Entry tags:
Fly By Night, Goodbye My Dear
Not what I expected to happen when I went to Malibu... Not the guests I expected after Fury's visit.
Steve barely slept on the flight out, had been restless by the time they'd hit California airspace, and been beyond grateful they'd had a rental car waiting for them by the time they stepped off the plane. He wasn't sure how many strings Pepper had had to pull to make that happen, but it didn't matter. It was a small car, very maneuverable, and it took more effort than Steve would've liked to stay within the speed limit.
There was a real sense of relief when they actually pulled up to the house. The structure was whole, he didn't see any active fires, and no vehicles there that he didn't recognize. That was something. He killed the engine and climbed out of the car, leaving his bag where it was for the moment. He'd deal with it later.
Bruce had stared out the window for the most part, unsure what to expect when they finally arrived at the house. That everything seemed normal was a relief but he was used to not taking outside appearances for granted. He'd feel better once he and Steve were inside, provided Tony was willing to hear them out, of course.
He climbed out of the car after Steve, following the other man up to the door. He was almost surprised when his passcodes released the lock but he thought maybe Tony hadn't had time to change them. It was too early to be optimisitic just yet. He let Steve in first, looking around a moment as they entered before setting himself back on focus. He could play tourist around the house later. First thing was to find Tony.
Steve exhaled a breath, and spoke. "JARVIS?" It was worth a shot, and hard to imagine Tony living anywhere without the AI.
[Yes, Captain Rogers?] The voice came automatically as the AI simultaneously attempted to make himself heard over blaring music downstairs to let Tony know he had visitors. It wasn't necessarily /his/ fault if Tony couldn't hear him, was it?
"I'm going to guess Tony's in the workshop. Care to give me some directions?"
[He is, Captain.] The AI butler proceeded to lead the two men to the door downstairs as the music changed tracks in the lab from War Pigs to Dirty Deeds. Sir had interesting choice in music while underneath a car he'd slipped out to purchase that day and started work on for something to do.
Steve stepped forward to punch his override code in, opening the door and wincing as the music hit him like a physical blow. /At least I know my ears will recover./
Working with Tony in the lab on a semi-consistant basis normally would have kept him used to the ear-splitting volumes the genius kept his music at but Bruce had been in a mostly silent car then walked through a mostly silent house. He reached the control panel, turning the volume down to a more tolerable level. "Tony?"
The genius froze, panic gripping him for a moment until the familiarity of the voice registered. He held still on the creeper, completely under a car, trying to relearn how to breathe, Dummy poking him with the last thing he'd asked for. What was Bruce doing here?
"Tony, are you all right?" Steve called out, stepping into the workshop cautiously, eyes roving the expanse of it as he looked for the engineer.
A second voice only added to the panic, making him cling to the underside of the car, tuck himself out of sight in a completely illogical attempt to just hide. They obviously knew he was here...
Bruce moved further into the lab, glancing at anything that looked like it might be a likely project. A few papers here, a design idea there, nothing really struck him until he noticed Dummy, his armiture bent low to the floor and apparently poking beneath a car. With a glance to Steve, he headed in that direction, keeping his voice steady, nonconfrontational. "Tony, we... we just want to talk. That's all."
Steve followed along, hands in his pockets, keeping clear of work surfaces and anything laying on them. He'd learned his lesson on that already.
He was hyperventilating and he knew it. He needed to calm down. It was just Steve and Bruce... just... But his mind kept flicking back to the last time he'd been corned unexpectedly... Fury throwing him in an empty pool... To Obie... /Get a grip, Stark./ Tony rolled out from under the car as the two came near, expression flat despire the attempt at a smile. "Talk bout what, guys?"
"About your letter? About this..." Bruce waved a hand around the shop, glancing to Steve once as his gaze rested on Tony once more. "Tony... we're here to help."
Steve offered a little smile. "We got concerned," he agreed quietly, and it wasn't a lie, even if he wasn't going to elaborate on who all 'we' entailed.
"I think my letter was pretty succinct... I'm coming back to Malibu so I can work. I resigned from SHIELD as a consultant." He shrugged and sat up, needing to be on his feet so he could move. Even if it was going to just be restless pacing. "No reason to be concerned." /I didn't run from you.... I ran from myself.../
"No reason? Tony, you've been avoiding Steve, avoiding me... You've built yourself into this tight little cage and..." Bruce sighed softly, forcing himself to stay in his spot and not spook the man further. "You're cutting yourself off from everything and that's not a reason to be concerned?"
"Nope." Tony grinned, casually walking over to get a drink.
"Tony..." Steve said quietly, watching the man move. Casual pace, even stride...not quite right. Not /quite/ normal. He wanted to speak, wasn't sure what to say. He was an artist, not a writer, most of the really useful words that had been put in his mouth were someone else's.
"Hmm?" The engineer arched a brow, trying not to gulp the scotch down, trying not to show how much his hands were shaking. He hadn't expected them to /follow/ him.... To throw aside their busy lives and come after him... No one did that... Why did they?
Steve exhaled a slow breath, walking over to Tony. "Hey, breathe," He said softly, reaching out to lay a gentle hand on Tony's shoulder, the pressure kept light. "Talk to us."
He couldn't help the flinch. Didn't want to flinch, but couldn't help it. His eyes were showing too much white, he was spooked and..... Uncertain. Too many questions. He thought he'd had this figured out.
That was panic, pure and simple, and Steve frowned faintly in concern. "What happened?"
Bruce winced at Tony's reaction, taking a step closer before making himself stop once more. Everything about the man said he was going to run if they pushed any harder but all Bruce wanted to do was pull him into his arms and try to sooth whatever hurt was buried there. And he knew that wasn't going to help. "Tony, we're not going to hurt you, alright? We just... We're here for you."
"Why?" He managed the word, pouring another drink with shaking hands. It had happened /years/ ago, but his mind kept replaying over and over the feel of the arc being pulled out by Obie...
"Because we..." He looked to Steve quickly before continuing, "we care, Tony. We care about you."
"We care about you and we want to help if we can," Steve agreed softly. He'd already lowered his hand at Tony's wince, but he otherwise remained where he was.
Tony swallowed, staring into his drink, at a loss for words. He wanted to believe... wanted to believe so much... But everyone left eventually. He'd screw up somehow...And they would go... He looked into his glass like it held the secrets of the universe, quiet until Dummy bumped his hand, putting the wrench from earlier into it.
Bruce stepped closer, making sure to keep a possible escape route open incase it got too much for Tony. With a slightly amused shake of his head for Dummy, he spoke softly. "Why do you think we're here? Tony, please, don't shut us out completely. We can work out whatever it is. Together."
The engineer gave a short bark of laughter, shaking his head. Part of him was still so wrapped up in these two... Whatever was left of the shriveled little thing he called a heart. He wanted them... But they wouldn't stay. They'd find out how broken he was... and leave. "Not even Pepper held up that promise, Bruce." Fuck. He hadn't meant to say that out loud.
"What else can I do to prove that I'm willing to be here for you?" Steve asked softly. "I'll get on however many planes, go wherever in the world I have to, to be here. Until you see it."
Bruce nodded his agreement. "I've already come this far."
Haunted brown eyes look between the men, Tony shaking his head slowly. "I... Why me? I'm not... I have nothing for you.... But... You both... You're always there...." he swallowed, voice thick, showing far more emotion than he'd like. He shook his head agaid and took the only way out, balking at actually leaving and just flopping on the couch.
Taking a deep breath, Bruce moved to take a seat beside him. "You have more to offer than you think, Tony."
Steve was beyond grateful for Bruce's presence, exceedingly glad he'd brought Bruce along. Maybe the man could get through to Tony where he couldn't. He walked over to sit nearby, close enough to speak, but not so close he'd make Tony feel trapped.
It was a bit of a comfort that the genius hadn't immediately jumped off the couch at his presence. Encouraged, Bruce continued. "You want to know why you? I'll tell you why. Because I trust you. Do you know how odd that is for me to say? There's few people in this world that I let get that close to me. There's few people who could. I don't pretend to understand how, why... But I've learned to trust one thing above all else: me. And I say you're worth whatever I have to do to keep you around."
"I... I can't trust me..." Tony licked his lips, voice stronger on the second try. "Everyone I trust..." He shook his head, eyes going to Steve. "You asked what happened?" It only felt like a non seqiteur... And then he was babbling, telling the whole thing, with Dummy half-desperately trying to give him a smoothie because his heart was hammering in his chest and to Dummy that meant 'Make a Smoothie'.
Well, that explained a lot, and by the time Tony was finished telling the story, Steve was kneeling near him, a hand very gently on his knee, his eyes never leaving the other man's. "God, Tony...I'm so sorry."
Bruce carefully took Tony's hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I don't know what else to say... I'm..." He fell silent, at a loss for words.
The man who was Iron Man shrugged, unable to look at either of them. "I trusted him. And... he ripped out my heart. I trusted Rhodey... and he betrayed it to steal a suit to go play in.... and Pepper..." He eyes slid closed again, that pain too fresh, too new. "I want... I want to believe, but... Everyone's been leaving me alone since I was 15... Why would you be any different?"
"Tony, look at me, please?" Steve murmured quietly.
Brown eyes lifted slowly to meet blue, so many of the walls that Tony used to keep people from seeing him down in in that moment.
The blue eyes that met his were open, earnest, and more unguarded than Steve usually allowed. "I could tell you why until I was blue in the face," he said softly. "But that's not going to do any good. People have said a lot of things to you, and not followed through. You need to be shown. But if this is what you need...what you /want/, I'm here for you. Long as you need me to be. And I feel pretty confident saying that Bruce feels the same."
Bruce nodded slowly as Steve spoke, a slight smile ghosting onto his face at the mention of his name. "Whatever it takes."
Tony slumped on the couch, weariness washing over him. Oddly, with the two of them there, the nightmares weren't as close... The feeling of something lurking just over his shoulder was gone... For now. He felt like he could breathe. Just with those few words. "I'm..." Apologies were not his specialty.
"It's okay," Steve said softly. "We'll show you."
"There's no need for that. You've been through a lot."
"Who here hasn't?" Rubbing his eyes, Tony scoffed, shaking his head. Poor little rich kid...
"We all have," Steve agreed. "And that's why we understand. To an extent, at least."
Bruce started to say something but changed his mind. Instead he simply moved closer, his arm slowly sliding around Tony's shoulders and holding him. Not too tightly, but enough to offer whatever comfort he could.
The engineer tensed, then relaxed into the embrace after a few precious heartbeats. He curled against Bruce's side, voice soft. "You're the only ones I've slept with... Since Pepper left..."
Steve's eyes softened. "You two are the only two I've let close since I came off the ice," he said quietly. "Since before that, really..."
"You two are the only ones..." Bruce trailed off at that. They were a lot of onlies since his accident and trying to narrow it down to a simple sentence didn't seem to do them justice. He took a deep breath, clearing his throat. "I don't know about you two, but sleep might be a good idea. I doubt any of us has had much in the last... week."
Tony snorted, staying where he was. "Some things are more important than sleep. Like classic cars."
Steve shook his head. "Some sleep wouldn't do you any harm, Tony."
"We could all probably use it. The car will still be there when you wake."
Tony sighed and nodded, eying the door to the upstairs. "Fine..."
"We'll all feel better for it," Steve said gently, knowing even as he spoke he probably wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon. He could still be there.
"Are you trying to convince me, or you?"
"Both," Steve replied and got to his feet, holding out a hand to Tony. "Shall we?"
Bruce pulled his arm back slowly, giving Tony a chance to make the decision on his own.
After a few more moments of internal debate, the engineer sighed and get to his feet, taking a moment to go make sure Dummy was charging, or that the car wasn't going to fall off it's jack.... anything to stave off having to go upstairs to sleep. He could control down here. Here was his.
Steve tried not to take it personally when Tony blew him off and just smiled a little. "I'll head upstairs and make sure everything's locked up secure, okay? I'll meet you two upstairs."
Rising slowly, Bruce watched Steve head out before moving to stand close to Tony again. "Tony...?"
The inventor twitched and turned, pushing a hand through his hair, the flex of muscle making his a-line shirt shift and the blue glow through the black obvious. "Yeah?"
"I'm not going to tell you everything will be fine. Saying and seeing are two different things. At least give us a chance to show you?" Bruce took another step, offering his hand as Steve had before. "We'll still be here when you wake, too, you know."
Tony's eyes flicked to the door again, but he nodded. "Okay." He didn't want to go upstairs... "Bruce...." But three people would not fit on the couch. "Why don't you go upstairs? I'll be fine down here? I promise I'll lay down.... You can ask JARVIS."
Bruce shook his head, not taking his eyes off Tony. "Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone. If there were more room down here, I'd suggest Steve bring back blankets and pillows instead but there's not." Bruce slowly let his arm drop and took another step forward. "We came here for you. If it doesn't work out, fine, you can come back down here but at least try. Please?"
Logic. He hated logic. Dammit. Tony sighed and nodded, heading up the stairs, each step taking him up and away from safety... But... He had Bruce and Steve... He could do this. He could.
They made to his bedroom, sleek and sophisticated. Steve had done more than check the house over with military efficiency. He'd grabbed his bag and the one for Bruce that had been on the jet-- always good of Pepper to think two steps ahead... It was why Tony trusted her with Stark Industries-- and come back to turn down the bed and turn on the lamps.
Tony had left the two briefly to discuss sleeping arrangements and ducked into the shower-- because whatever they said he wasn't going to try and curl up between two gorgeous men while covered in axle grease and other fluids.
They hadn't said a word when he'd come back to crawl in between them-- he'd never questioned that that was where he belonged, between them-- dressed in a loose t shirt and soft cotton pants. The playboy had never really had a problem with nudity, but there was so much vulnerability here he couldn't add that extra layer on top. He'd never really liked icing anyway.
The first few hours had been fine, Bruce had slipped into a light sleep and Tony had lay staring at the ceiling, aware of Steve next to him, also not sleeping, keeping silent watch.... Like his own personal sentinal. But more time had ticked by, the longer he'd fought sleep.... Then Steve had moved, the silent mountain of a man scooping him out of the bed, clear of the blankets so he wasn't tangled and bound, and had carried him downstairs.
Protest had obviously been pointless. When Steve Rogers got something in his head, sometimes all you could do was hold on and just go with it. Tony wasn't like that. Ever. He took his time and was careful and thought things out. Always. It was surprising to find himself on the couch, watching Bruce and Steve make a pallet on the floor... And he'd been too tired to make the pillow fight joke... or the slumber party joke... and dammit he was going to kick himself later.
All three of them, laying on the workshop floor in a nest of blankets and pillows like kids in a camp out... Bruce and Steve keeping the blankets from suffocating Tony, both of them keeping the haunted man's dreams at bay... Neither said a word when Tony cried, the glow from the arc illuminating each drop. Steve lay there, holding his team mate, the man he might have feelings for if he was honest with himself, arms firm and close. The soldier held him like he did at the Tower, like he did before he knew about the rest of it. The rest of it didn't matter when it came to holding Tony.
For his part, Bruce held the other scientist's hand. He didn't want to crowd close-- that was bad for both of them, wasn't it?-- but he wanted to offer the reassurance he could. He he held Tony's hand and stayed with him through the night.
All Tony could think, curled there, safe and sound, was how much he hated himself. He hated himself so much. He hurt everyone around him.... It was only a matter of time until he hurt them... But he wanted so much to believe he could do it this time....
/I hate myself so much... Why don't they?/
Steve barely slept on the flight out, had been restless by the time they'd hit California airspace, and been beyond grateful they'd had a rental car waiting for them by the time they stepped off the plane. He wasn't sure how many strings Pepper had had to pull to make that happen, but it didn't matter. It was a small car, very maneuverable, and it took more effort than Steve would've liked to stay within the speed limit.
There was a real sense of relief when they actually pulled up to the house. The structure was whole, he didn't see any active fires, and no vehicles there that he didn't recognize. That was something. He killed the engine and climbed out of the car, leaving his bag where it was for the moment. He'd deal with it later.
Bruce had stared out the window for the most part, unsure what to expect when they finally arrived at the house. That everything seemed normal was a relief but he was used to not taking outside appearances for granted. He'd feel better once he and Steve were inside, provided Tony was willing to hear them out, of course.
He climbed out of the car after Steve, following the other man up to the door. He was almost surprised when his passcodes released the lock but he thought maybe Tony hadn't had time to change them. It was too early to be optimisitic just yet. He let Steve in first, looking around a moment as they entered before setting himself back on focus. He could play tourist around the house later. First thing was to find Tony.
Steve exhaled a breath, and spoke. "JARVIS?" It was worth a shot, and hard to imagine Tony living anywhere without the AI.
[Yes, Captain Rogers?] The voice came automatically as the AI simultaneously attempted to make himself heard over blaring music downstairs to let Tony know he had visitors. It wasn't necessarily /his/ fault if Tony couldn't hear him, was it?
"I'm going to guess Tony's in the workshop. Care to give me some directions?"
[He is, Captain.] The AI butler proceeded to lead the two men to the door downstairs as the music changed tracks in the lab from War Pigs to Dirty Deeds. Sir had interesting choice in music while underneath a car he'd slipped out to purchase that day and started work on for something to do.
Steve stepped forward to punch his override code in, opening the door and wincing as the music hit him like a physical blow. /At least I know my ears will recover./
Working with Tony in the lab on a semi-consistant basis normally would have kept him used to the ear-splitting volumes the genius kept his music at but Bruce had been in a mostly silent car then walked through a mostly silent house. He reached the control panel, turning the volume down to a more tolerable level. "Tony?"
The genius froze, panic gripping him for a moment until the familiarity of the voice registered. He held still on the creeper, completely under a car, trying to relearn how to breathe, Dummy poking him with the last thing he'd asked for. What was Bruce doing here?
"Tony, are you all right?" Steve called out, stepping into the workshop cautiously, eyes roving the expanse of it as he looked for the engineer.
A second voice only added to the panic, making him cling to the underside of the car, tuck himself out of sight in a completely illogical attempt to just hide. They obviously knew he was here...
Bruce moved further into the lab, glancing at anything that looked like it might be a likely project. A few papers here, a design idea there, nothing really struck him until he noticed Dummy, his armiture bent low to the floor and apparently poking beneath a car. With a glance to Steve, he headed in that direction, keeping his voice steady, nonconfrontational. "Tony, we... we just want to talk. That's all."
Steve followed along, hands in his pockets, keeping clear of work surfaces and anything laying on them. He'd learned his lesson on that already.
He was hyperventilating and he knew it. He needed to calm down. It was just Steve and Bruce... just... But his mind kept flicking back to the last time he'd been corned unexpectedly... Fury throwing him in an empty pool... To Obie... /Get a grip, Stark./ Tony rolled out from under the car as the two came near, expression flat despire the attempt at a smile. "Talk bout what, guys?"
"About your letter? About this..." Bruce waved a hand around the shop, glancing to Steve once as his gaze rested on Tony once more. "Tony... we're here to help."
Steve offered a little smile. "We got concerned," he agreed quietly, and it wasn't a lie, even if he wasn't going to elaborate on who all 'we' entailed.
"I think my letter was pretty succinct... I'm coming back to Malibu so I can work. I resigned from SHIELD as a consultant." He shrugged and sat up, needing to be on his feet so he could move. Even if it was going to just be restless pacing. "No reason to be concerned." /I didn't run from you.... I ran from myself.../
"No reason? Tony, you've been avoiding Steve, avoiding me... You've built yourself into this tight little cage and..." Bruce sighed softly, forcing himself to stay in his spot and not spook the man further. "You're cutting yourself off from everything and that's not a reason to be concerned?"
"Nope." Tony grinned, casually walking over to get a drink.
"Tony..." Steve said quietly, watching the man move. Casual pace, even stride...not quite right. Not /quite/ normal. He wanted to speak, wasn't sure what to say. He was an artist, not a writer, most of the really useful words that had been put in his mouth were someone else's.
"Hmm?" The engineer arched a brow, trying not to gulp the scotch down, trying not to show how much his hands were shaking. He hadn't expected them to /follow/ him.... To throw aside their busy lives and come after him... No one did that... Why did they?
Steve exhaled a slow breath, walking over to Tony. "Hey, breathe," He said softly, reaching out to lay a gentle hand on Tony's shoulder, the pressure kept light. "Talk to us."
He couldn't help the flinch. Didn't want to flinch, but couldn't help it. His eyes were showing too much white, he was spooked and..... Uncertain. Too many questions. He thought he'd had this figured out.
That was panic, pure and simple, and Steve frowned faintly in concern. "What happened?"
Bruce winced at Tony's reaction, taking a step closer before making himself stop once more. Everything about the man said he was going to run if they pushed any harder but all Bruce wanted to do was pull him into his arms and try to sooth whatever hurt was buried there. And he knew that wasn't going to help. "Tony, we're not going to hurt you, alright? We just... We're here for you."
"Why?" He managed the word, pouring another drink with shaking hands. It had happened /years/ ago, but his mind kept replaying over and over the feel of the arc being pulled out by Obie...
"Because we..." He looked to Steve quickly before continuing, "we care, Tony. We care about you."
"We care about you and we want to help if we can," Steve agreed softly. He'd already lowered his hand at Tony's wince, but he otherwise remained where he was.
Tony swallowed, staring into his drink, at a loss for words. He wanted to believe... wanted to believe so much... But everyone left eventually. He'd screw up somehow...And they would go... He looked into his glass like it held the secrets of the universe, quiet until Dummy bumped his hand, putting the wrench from earlier into it.
Bruce stepped closer, making sure to keep a possible escape route open incase it got too much for Tony. With a slightly amused shake of his head for Dummy, he spoke softly. "Why do you think we're here? Tony, please, don't shut us out completely. We can work out whatever it is. Together."
The engineer gave a short bark of laughter, shaking his head. Part of him was still so wrapped up in these two... Whatever was left of the shriveled little thing he called a heart. He wanted them... But they wouldn't stay. They'd find out how broken he was... and leave. "Not even Pepper held up that promise, Bruce." Fuck. He hadn't meant to say that out loud.
"What else can I do to prove that I'm willing to be here for you?" Steve asked softly. "I'll get on however many planes, go wherever in the world I have to, to be here. Until you see it."
Bruce nodded his agreement. "I've already come this far."
Haunted brown eyes look between the men, Tony shaking his head slowly. "I... Why me? I'm not... I have nothing for you.... But... You both... You're always there...." he swallowed, voice thick, showing far more emotion than he'd like. He shook his head agaid and took the only way out, balking at actually leaving and just flopping on the couch.
Taking a deep breath, Bruce moved to take a seat beside him. "You have more to offer than you think, Tony."
Steve was beyond grateful for Bruce's presence, exceedingly glad he'd brought Bruce along. Maybe the man could get through to Tony where he couldn't. He walked over to sit nearby, close enough to speak, but not so close he'd make Tony feel trapped.
It was a bit of a comfort that the genius hadn't immediately jumped off the couch at his presence. Encouraged, Bruce continued. "You want to know why you? I'll tell you why. Because I trust you. Do you know how odd that is for me to say? There's few people in this world that I let get that close to me. There's few people who could. I don't pretend to understand how, why... But I've learned to trust one thing above all else: me. And I say you're worth whatever I have to do to keep you around."
"I... I can't trust me..." Tony licked his lips, voice stronger on the second try. "Everyone I trust..." He shook his head, eyes going to Steve. "You asked what happened?" It only felt like a non seqiteur... And then he was babbling, telling the whole thing, with Dummy half-desperately trying to give him a smoothie because his heart was hammering in his chest and to Dummy that meant 'Make a Smoothie'.
Well, that explained a lot, and by the time Tony was finished telling the story, Steve was kneeling near him, a hand very gently on his knee, his eyes never leaving the other man's. "God, Tony...I'm so sorry."
Bruce carefully took Tony's hand in his, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I don't know what else to say... I'm..." He fell silent, at a loss for words.
The man who was Iron Man shrugged, unable to look at either of them. "I trusted him. And... he ripped out my heart. I trusted Rhodey... and he betrayed it to steal a suit to go play in.... and Pepper..." He eyes slid closed again, that pain too fresh, too new. "I want... I want to believe, but... Everyone's been leaving me alone since I was 15... Why would you be any different?"
"Tony, look at me, please?" Steve murmured quietly.
Brown eyes lifted slowly to meet blue, so many of the walls that Tony used to keep people from seeing him down in in that moment.
The blue eyes that met his were open, earnest, and more unguarded than Steve usually allowed. "I could tell you why until I was blue in the face," he said softly. "But that's not going to do any good. People have said a lot of things to you, and not followed through. You need to be shown. But if this is what you need...what you /want/, I'm here for you. Long as you need me to be. And I feel pretty confident saying that Bruce feels the same."
Bruce nodded slowly as Steve spoke, a slight smile ghosting onto his face at the mention of his name. "Whatever it takes."
Tony slumped on the couch, weariness washing over him. Oddly, with the two of them there, the nightmares weren't as close... The feeling of something lurking just over his shoulder was gone... For now. He felt like he could breathe. Just with those few words. "I'm..." Apologies were not his specialty.
"It's okay," Steve said softly. "We'll show you."
"There's no need for that. You've been through a lot."
"Who here hasn't?" Rubbing his eyes, Tony scoffed, shaking his head. Poor little rich kid...
"We all have," Steve agreed. "And that's why we understand. To an extent, at least."
Bruce started to say something but changed his mind. Instead he simply moved closer, his arm slowly sliding around Tony's shoulders and holding him. Not too tightly, but enough to offer whatever comfort he could.
The engineer tensed, then relaxed into the embrace after a few precious heartbeats. He curled against Bruce's side, voice soft. "You're the only ones I've slept with... Since Pepper left..."
Steve's eyes softened. "You two are the only two I've let close since I came off the ice," he said quietly. "Since before that, really..."
"You two are the only ones..." Bruce trailed off at that. They were a lot of onlies since his accident and trying to narrow it down to a simple sentence didn't seem to do them justice. He took a deep breath, clearing his throat. "I don't know about you two, but sleep might be a good idea. I doubt any of us has had much in the last... week."
Tony snorted, staying where he was. "Some things are more important than sleep. Like classic cars."
Steve shook his head. "Some sleep wouldn't do you any harm, Tony."
"We could all probably use it. The car will still be there when you wake."
Tony sighed and nodded, eying the door to the upstairs. "Fine..."
"We'll all feel better for it," Steve said gently, knowing even as he spoke he probably wouldn't be sleeping anytime soon. He could still be there.
"Are you trying to convince me, or you?"
"Both," Steve replied and got to his feet, holding out a hand to Tony. "Shall we?"
Bruce pulled his arm back slowly, giving Tony a chance to make the decision on his own.
After a few more moments of internal debate, the engineer sighed and get to his feet, taking a moment to go make sure Dummy was charging, or that the car wasn't going to fall off it's jack.... anything to stave off having to go upstairs to sleep. He could control down here. Here was his.
Steve tried not to take it personally when Tony blew him off and just smiled a little. "I'll head upstairs and make sure everything's locked up secure, okay? I'll meet you two upstairs."
Rising slowly, Bruce watched Steve head out before moving to stand close to Tony again. "Tony...?"
The inventor twitched and turned, pushing a hand through his hair, the flex of muscle making his a-line shirt shift and the blue glow through the black obvious. "Yeah?"
"I'm not going to tell you everything will be fine. Saying and seeing are two different things. At least give us a chance to show you?" Bruce took another step, offering his hand as Steve had before. "We'll still be here when you wake, too, you know."
Tony's eyes flicked to the door again, but he nodded. "Okay." He didn't want to go upstairs... "Bruce...." But three people would not fit on the couch. "Why don't you go upstairs? I'll be fine down here? I promise I'll lay down.... You can ask JARVIS."
Bruce shook his head, not taking his eyes off Tony. "Sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone. If there were more room down here, I'd suggest Steve bring back blankets and pillows instead but there's not." Bruce slowly let his arm drop and took another step forward. "We came here for you. If it doesn't work out, fine, you can come back down here but at least try. Please?"
Logic. He hated logic. Dammit. Tony sighed and nodded, heading up the stairs, each step taking him up and away from safety... But... He had Bruce and Steve... He could do this. He could.
They made to his bedroom, sleek and sophisticated. Steve had done more than check the house over with military efficiency. He'd grabbed his bag and the one for Bruce that had been on the jet-- always good of Pepper to think two steps ahead... It was why Tony trusted her with Stark Industries-- and come back to turn down the bed and turn on the lamps.
Tony had left the two briefly to discuss sleeping arrangements and ducked into the shower-- because whatever they said he wasn't going to try and curl up between two gorgeous men while covered in axle grease and other fluids.
They hadn't said a word when he'd come back to crawl in between them-- he'd never questioned that that was where he belonged, between them-- dressed in a loose t shirt and soft cotton pants. The playboy had never really had a problem with nudity, but there was so much vulnerability here he couldn't add that extra layer on top. He'd never really liked icing anyway.
The first few hours had been fine, Bruce had slipped into a light sleep and Tony had lay staring at the ceiling, aware of Steve next to him, also not sleeping, keeping silent watch.... Like his own personal sentinal. But more time had ticked by, the longer he'd fought sleep.... Then Steve had moved, the silent mountain of a man scooping him out of the bed, clear of the blankets so he wasn't tangled and bound, and had carried him downstairs.
Protest had obviously been pointless. When Steve Rogers got something in his head, sometimes all you could do was hold on and just go with it. Tony wasn't like that. Ever. He took his time and was careful and thought things out. Always. It was surprising to find himself on the couch, watching Bruce and Steve make a pallet on the floor... And he'd been too tired to make the pillow fight joke... or the slumber party joke... and dammit he was going to kick himself later.
All three of them, laying on the workshop floor in a nest of blankets and pillows like kids in a camp out... Bruce and Steve keeping the blankets from suffocating Tony, both of them keeping the haunted man's dreams at bay... Neither said a word when Tony cried, the glow from the arc illuminating each drop. Steve lay there, holding his team mate, the man he might have feelings for if he was honest with himself, arms firm and close. The soldier held him like he did at the Tower, like he did before he knew about the rest of it. The rest of it didn't matter when it came to holding Tony.
For his part, Bruce held the other scientist's hand. He didn't want to crowd close-- that was bad for both of them, wasn't it?-- but he wanted to offer the reassurance he could. He he held Tony's hand and stayed with him through the night.
All Tony could think, curled there, safe and sound, was how much he hated himself. He hated himself so much. He hurt everyone around him.... It was only a matter of time until he hurt them... But he wanted so much to believe he could do it this time....
/I hate myself so much... Why don't they?/